What a difference a year makes

This is a post I've debated whether I should write or not. It's just an outpouring of feelings with no real direction or purpose other than to serve as a reminder to myself of how things can and will always get better. To remind myself that there are always good times ahead no matter how dark the days get. To bring closure to a time in my life that altered everything but is now in the past.


2018 - the year that nearly broke me

If you've been with me a long time, you may remember that for a while things weren't exactly happy around here. I never went into details because despite sharing a lot of my life both on this blog and on YouTube there are just some things that have to remain private. It's safe to say that although there were some absolutely amazing moments in 2018 from getting engaged, to going to Florida to going to two Paul McCartney concerts there were also periods in the year where both Josh and I went through some of the toughest things we've ever had to deal with and honestly at times it felt like we'd never get out of those situations. Thanks to how bad things were I have been left with a lingering worry throughout this year that everything will just fall apart again because life is so much better now and honestly, I'm scared of all that going away. But if I could just take away one thing from last year it's that I know together Josh and I can get through anything,

Letting go

As I've said this year has been amazing but I've really had to try hard to let go of those niggling doubts that everything would fall apart. This time last year I couldn't imagine just how good life would be. Last October was probably where we'd both reached breaking point which is why I wanted to write this now because if someone had sat down and told me what life would be like now, I wouldn't have believed them. I mean if someone had said we'd be engaged by the end of 2018 I would have laughed in their face! In all seriousness though it's been hard to leave the past in the past and realise that what went on last year is done and truly embrace the good year that this has been so far.

The present

I don't want this to come across as bragging because I'm not, I've wrote this for myself to remind me that a year makes a huge difference. If you looked at our highlights last year you'd have seen a couple jetting off to Disney World, going to once in a lifetime concerts, you'd have believed we had it all that we were happy and for all those good moments we were happy. What you wouldn't have seen though is all the tears, the grief, anger, financial stresses and worries or the sadness that engulfed us. That's where the big difference is, because there's none of that bad stuff this year so although life may look the same from the outside, I can't begin to explain how much different it actually is. We're planning our wedding for next year, I've upped my blogging game to a point where I now earn a tiny bit of extra money from it each month and Josh is well on his way to building up his own self-employed career. Compared to this time last year, life is bloody wonderful and just as a reminder, those three things I've just listed weren't even in existence last October! 

I know there was no real purpose to this post but it's something that has been going on round in my head for a while now and I just wanted to get it all down. Life by last October had got incredibly hard and I couldn't have imagined any of the things we have now. But believe me, things do always get better.

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