The above quote popped up on Instagram a couple of weeks back and it really struck a chord with me. After everything that’s happened this year I feel like I’ve just spent so long waiting for life to get better only to be bitterly disappointed by the next crap thing to happen. It’s been a constant cycle of bad news, feeling low, comparing my life to others, a glimmer of hope and then back to disappointment. It’s exhausting.
Comparison has been a huge thing for me this year, which I openly talked about in this post about life behind social media. Everyone else’s life seemed so put together compared to mine. Everyone seemed to be having so much fun, getting new things and going on holiday whilst I was sat here having to carefully budget everything, grieving and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Waiting for when I could feel happy again.
I’ve lost two grandparents this year, I spent a large chunk of time earlier in the year being really poorly, I battle a chronic illness on a daily basis (I have done for years but with all the stress and anxiety and illness this year I’ve had some pretty bad flare ups) and there’s being lots of other things happening that I just don’t want to talk about so publicly but they’ve probably being the toughest things to deal with.
I’m fed up of waiting to feel happy though, yes this year has been super tough and I’ve dealt with things that I’d never imagined I’d have to deal with but really I’m just wasting my life waiting for a happy moment to come along. Waiting for things to improve when really there’s so much to be happy about already. I don’t need to spend a lot of money to be happy, I don’t need some magic moment to happen where all my problems have gone. I need to create happiness in the here and now and stop wasting time.
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