Life behind the grid

If you’re a regular reader of my blog then you’ll have probably gathered, mainly from the monthly happy lists, which unfortunately have not been all that happy, that this year has been pretty terrible. I’ve not gone into detail about a lot of it because despite sharing most of my life either on here or on my vlogs, there are some things I just don’t want to share with the world.
Throughout all of it, I’ve kept up with blogging and vlogging, posting on Instagram and tweeting because these things keep me preoccupied. I love writing my blog posts and sharing my Disney photos on Instagram and I love making a daily vlog but it’s struck me that none of this is representative of what’s going off in my life, especially now things have got even worse over the last few days. I honestly didn’t think it was possible for this year to get any worse but it turns out it is very much possible. Not only are the problems I’ve kept private getting worse, but my grandma passed away a few days ago making that the second grandparent I’ve lost this year and in the space of 5 months. I don’t know how much more crap I can take, I’m not looking for sympathy here, just a break from it all. I mean if I list all the things together that I’ve openly spoke about there’s losing Josh’s grandad, getting a sickness bug that I worked through because I’d only just started a new job, straight after the sickness bug I got tonsillitis that landed me in A&E and straight after that I got a cold, three illnesses all one after the other, in the middle of the illnesses my gran passed away and now my other gran has passed away too. All these things have been going on whilst we’ve been dealing with another huge problem too that I’ve chosen not to discuss. It’s been a solid 7 months of constant shit.

This is why I no longer know if I should even be posting the things I do anymore whether that’s on here, YouTube or Instagram because that’s not my day to day life. I enjoy doing it but that’s because that Disney photo on Instagram reminds me of a happy time, it reconnects me to something I love and something that brings me joy, that 10 minute vlog is a happy snapshot it doesn’t show the stress or the worry or the tears, my blog posts are about what I choose to tell you about. I cannot omit details, not to deceive anyone but it still doesn’t paint a full picture.

I posted something similar to this over on my Instagram stories earlier in the week but take a quick look at that snapshot of my Instagram grid above and what do you see? I’m going to guess that first impressions you get are that I’m excited for autumn and Halloween, that I go on walks and where I live is quite pretty, that I’m happy and smiley and that I love Disney and can afford nice holidays to Walt Disney World. And none of those things are wrong, they’re all true. But they’re only one small part of my life that I’ve chosen to share. I don’t share all the crap I’ve being dealing with, all the worry and stress.

I don’t ever want it to come across that what I post, on any platform, is false and staged because it’s not, it is my life and more so on here than anywhere else I’ll be super honest and open and share more of my life than I do anywhere else. But the same goes for anyone, everyone chooses to post about the moments they want to post about. We’re selective about which parts of our lives we share. And that’s fine. But please remember what you see on social media is not a whole representation of what is going on in someone’s life or someone mind. Please be kind.

I’ve found myself struggling to remember not compare my life to other, especially a finely edited life that appears on social media and this is not something that’s ever really happened to me. But I’m holding my hands up and saying I’m finding it really hard at the moment not to look at everything from a holiday to home renovations and wonder why I can’t do any of that at the moment. Again, I posted a quote in my stories that said; “Don’t compare your life to others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” And this is something we all need to keep in mind. Especially me at the moment.

For as long as it’s making me happy, I’ll continue to blog, vlog and share my photos on Instagram even if it’s only the good stuff sometimes. What I’m going to do though is stop the comparison and take a step back from scrolling through social media when I need to.

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