Dating may be seen as a bit of a young persons game. Spending your 20’s and 30’s trying to find the one before settling down but that notion is so outdated these days as more and more people over 40 find themselves back in the dating game. The good news is though that dating doesn’t have an age limit on it and if you find yourself approaching middle age and seeking companionship then this one is for you!
I’ve wrote a lot about relationships over the past year or so. I’m an old romantic at heart and I honestly think there’s someone out there for everyone. Everyone deserves love and happiness and age certainly isn’t a limit to that.
Dating when you’re over 40
There are many reasons you might find yourself back on the dating scene when you’re over 40. From long term relationship not working out, marriages breaking down or just never really finding the right person for you. It’s not all doom and gloom though.
The first step for preparing yourself for the world of dating is realising that you’re certainly not past it, too old for this game or over the hill, or any other wonderful turn of phrase you can think of! It’s all in your head and whether you’re just entering into middle age territory or looking for love in your 60’s it really doesn’t matter. Age really is just a number and if you’re seeking friendship, companionship and even love then you absolutely deserve to go out there and find it!
Where to look for love
If you’ve been out of the dating game for some time you might be feeling a little apprehensive. Dating might be a lot different now from the last time you did it and you might be feeling a little nervous. That’s perfectly O.K. Your best option is finding a dating site that caters to your needs. What you wanted from a partner when you were in your twenties might be a lot different to what you want from a partner when you’re in your forties.
For over 40 dating look for reputable dating sites specialising in just that. Chances are you’re not going to want to be wasting your time swiping on an app for a quick fling! I mean no judgements here if that’s what you want but I’m guessing if you’re reading this then you’re after something with a bit more substance and connection. By connecting with similar people it won’t feel like you’re wasting your time. Dating sites are a great way to get chatting to people and even if the dating side of stuff doesn’t work out you may just end up meeting someone you really enjoy talking to and remain friends.
By using dating sites for specific age groups a lot of the hard work has already been done for you because you’ve filtered out people that won’t fulfil your needs. If you’re new to online dating this will be a big help too. By connecting with people in your age group forming those connections and bonds will come quicker and easier than if you have to spend time filtering out everyone you’re not interested in! When it comes to meeting in real life, you may feel nervous about how you’re going to come across in person to your date, so you may even use a few tricks and products designed to boost pheromones attraction so that you can enjoy the date and feel confident that you will be able to put your date at ease with you and further foster that connection that you have made online.
Think about what you want and need
Throwing yourself back onto the dating scene is brave at any point in your life. However the chances are once you reach middle age you’re probably a lot clearer on what you want from life than what you were in your twenties. You need to think about what it is that you want and need from a partner. Whether you’re looking for friendship, a companion or long lasting love. Defining your dating intentions before jumping into anything will save any heartbreak further down the line.
Having clear life goals is great but it’s also important to remember that a certain degree of compromise is required to make any relationship work. Starting a new relationship when you’re over 40 can be difficult because you’re more used to doing things a certain way. It’s important to at least give new ways of doing things or looking at things a try rather than outright rejecting them because it’s not how you’ve done things before. If you’ve left a long term relationship or marriage your way of doing things will have likely been intertwined with some else for a long time. In order to find love again you do need to keep in mind that those routines will change and sometimes that’s not a bad thing!
Why it’s important to still date when you’re over 40
As we get older we may be increasingly met with more and more loneliness. Kids will be growing up and making their own lives for themselves. Friendships that were formed with other couples from past relationships may drift apart. It’s not selfish to want a bit of company.
Jumping back into the world of dating can be wonderful when you’re over 40 for so many reasons. First off it provides that companionship that may have been missing from your life. Having friends is great, chatting to your kids is great but none of those things are a substitute for the meaningful connections you form with a partner. They’re the person that sees you at your best and worse, the person you laugh with, cry with, the person you moan to after a tough day at work or you share good news with. There is no replacement for that kind of bond.
Secondly, remember earlier when I said you probably had clear goals when you’re older well the flip side of that is being stuck in your ways. Getting back out into the world and looking for love can give you a whole new lease of life. It’s all too easy to stick to the same routines you’ve always had when in fact they might not be that great. It’s also pretty easy to get stuck being single and protect yourself from love but that’s not healthy either. Going on dates can help boost your confidence, allow you to have fun and ultimately you may just end up finding the one. And if you don’t? Well you get to keep trying and having fun along the way!
If you have any tips for dating when you’ve reached middle age leave them in the comments below!
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I am actually kind of looking forward to (and expecting to be) dating after 40. I feel like that’s a way more genuine time of life to date in. People have a better understanding of relationships (cause they’ve usually been in a couple), have their shit in order (no more mamas basement) and just are generally more genuine in their intentions (gone are the fuckbois). I’m definitely still going to get in the game if I’m still single then (or again).
Good for you! You’re right though and I hope you have a wonderful time in your dating endeavours!
As a 40ish single lady, my advice would be to avoid dating sites! Try and meet someone organically.
An interesting post.
Thank you for your input! I think it’s getting increasingly harder to meet someone organically though, especially in the current situation!
Ah that’s amazing! Yes definitely, it’s even better in the current situation!
I agree that there’s a lot of pressure to settle down, be married etc by certain ages and it’s just a little bit ridiculous isn’t it?!